PEDOPHILES
Part four

By Peter Schmedding

This treatise on the topic of the pedophile may be considered wordy and going into too many side issues. I make no apologies for this. If you find it long-winded, this text may not be for you. The pedophile is only one manifestation of tragic flaws in today's society. A more comprehensive investigation and looking at the issue from different angles can help us to understand the problem, how it is caused and how we can defend ourselves and our children against harassment, exploitation and abuse.

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Those who ever had an interest in the “nurture or nature’ debate will know that certain life programs are inherited. Examples are the psychopath, the musical genius, the compulsive gambler, the inventor, the survivor, the pessimist and so the list continues.

How does this relate to the pedophile issue?

It seems certain that there are people who have been predisposed genetically to become sexually attracted to children in preference to adults. They are ‘born’ that way and any intervention or treatment is unlikely to affect a cure. And as long as their final aim is to find relief from sexual tensions in the body of a child, frankly, I do not care how they got into that mindset. Anyone who rapes or otherwise exploits children sexually I would like to see put into some sort of cage where it would not be possible for them to ever come near a child again. It is similar to murderers. We put them away without regard as to how they got into such a position.

There is, however, a sinister flip side to the coin:

We will never know how many of our world's children have been actually raised to become pedophiles. This is a topic that has not found its way into the media nor does it appear of interest to anyone working in the field. To illustrate, recently I heard about the following case: An adult male had confessed: “I could never have sexual intercourse with a woman, even if they paid me a high sum of money.” After a string of sessions with a psychotherapist he finally was able to recall the long forgotten first sex education he had received as a young child. Another just a little older child explained to him the difference between boys and girls. He described the female genitalia as a foul stinking piece of meat, adding the worst adjectives he could think of. Now in his early thirties the ‘ex pupil’ shuddered at the thought of ever having sex with a woman.

This example shows how early impressions - consciously - are forgotten or repressed while their emotional sting may follow them into the ripe adult years. A compulsion forces the individual to obey a stimulus that took place at a time long forgotten. It has become a part of the person’s personality.

How many children at an impressionable age have been conditioned in ways similar to the one mentioned in the above paragraph? Even in our time, how often is everything ‘down there’ described as dirty and shameful? Or fear is instilled by explaining that sex is a sin and will be punished accordingly? How many kids would dare to mention to either of their parents that they have sexual feelings? How many children hide their feelings - and activities - from parents, indeed from adults in general? After all, they have found there is no-one willing to listen and take their concerns seriously.

While some of those are less affected, how many become sexual cripples? And out of those, for how many does a broad path lead to becoming pedophiles?

In many Western nations a witch hunt has developed during the last decades, a paranoia where anybody showing an interest in working with children is suspected of having sinister motives. This is reflected in absurd measures that have been created to protect children from the evils of sexual predators. The children, in turn, become aware of this. Having been exposed to the paranoia, many may well grow up into a suspicious, hostile next generation. Furthermore, their progress in the preparation for life that could be achieved by youth leaders, volunteers and mentors is lost.

If my hunch is correct it appears that, at least in the long run, one measure to stem pedophilia is to take a new approach in the education of our children. When discarding outmoded beliefs and maintaining honesty in the facts of life from an early age becomes the norm we will have come a long way toward a future, sexually mature society where children grow up feeling safe. That, however, will find much opposition and controversy and take many years. As we are not willing to wait that long, how can we protect our children from harm - now?

Let us summarise the most important points of all the discussions so far:

1. How do we identify a pedophile? The trap is that they often parade their charm and genuine concern for kids to everyone who is willing to listen. Free from any guilt, they will offer help and gifts and all the care for a child, while evil intentions are lurking behind the facade of trust and concern.

To be aware of those characteristics takes us some of the way toward considering safety with our children.

2. Is it possible to identify with reasonable certainty those people who are genuine and have the natural motivation to teach children and support them on the way to adulthood?

Most, if not all people who may interact with your child have a reputation. Offenders as a rule have offended more than only once. By contrast, their positive involvement with children in the past will guide us. In fact, the safest indicator may well be the person’s past history in working with children. Beyond that, for the parent it is desirable to establish honest and trusting communication with any mentor or volunteer. Their task is to be a support to the parent rather than take away any of the parent’s rights in the care of the child.

3. How can we be absolutely sure if our child is safe with a particular person?

I don’t know if there is a definite answer. What I do suggest is that there are ways to be certain to the extent that missed opportunities for the child’s advancement would do more harm than the (theoretically possible, but extremely unlikely) event of him or her being molested. This, combined with the natural defence instilled by honesty in matters of sex and procreation, and knowing how to protect oneself, should make any danger of molestation virtually non-existent.

That leads to my last point: The solution is in the child him/herself.

1. The protected child needs to know that....

... certain adults can be sick, not only physically but also in their mind. Some pretend to be good people but are not.

... we do not poke our fingers into a child’s eyes or ears or mouth. Similarly we do not allow parts inside our pants to be touched or manipulated. It is any child’s right to say: "No!" And a wish to discontinue the relationship will be respected.

... they realise the danger when they are being threatened by: “Don’t tell your mum” or “... if you tell anyone...” (the more dreadful, the greater the danger!) They know that the safe way is to go to the parent or carer or other adult person with whom they have established a level of trust and tell.

Finally...

... they know how to avoid unsafe situations. They will feel safe when interacting alone with, say, a new teacher or mentor they had not met before, it takes place with an escape route such as an open door. One example would be when a stranger invites the child to get into the car because “your mother asked me to take you home.”

The protected child has been taught how to act without becoming paranoid and distrustful of people in general, thus allowing him or her to be involved in relationships and activities that enriches their lives beyond the school experience.

A closing word.

The reader may have noticed that in this, as well as in the forgoing chapters, from different perspectives I have repeated and illustrated one process: the key for a better and more productive life of the future adult - and in a wider sense for a more harmonious and progressive next generation - lies in the programming of our children from their earliest days. It starts at conception, although this is a different study and not under discussion here.

This repetition has been deliberate. I consider that this topic is one of the underrated, unrecognised social issues generally. It extends far beyond the primary purpose of this publication. In that sense, I also believe, when the problem of pedophilia has been put into a proper balance, other destructive issues such as emotional abuse and put-downs, mental cruelty and physical neglect that may affect children for the rest of their lives will be given the attention they deserve.