Grip the spear *

		I watch myself see a choice -
		A choice so obvious this time -
		Right and wrong;
		I watch myself 
		And see me make the wrong decision...

		I close my eyes
		And I see:
		Each sin I allow
		Every diversion from God's will for me -
		A nail held to a wrist,
		My hand wielding a hammer -
		I swing -
		Unreasonable anger
		Thrusts the nail into the flesh
		And my heart holds for only a moment
		Before I drive the nail further -
		I swing
		Again and again,
		Unheeding of the pain it is causing,
		Uncaring about the silent receiver
		Of this cruel torture.
		The nail shudders in the flesh
		Each time I strike -
		Still my victim does not utter a word -
		He knows this is for me
		And he loves me enough
		To put up with this recklessness
		In the hope that I will turn to him again
		When I realise the depth of my action
		And turn from it.
		I too know that it is for me,
		So how can I do this
		Throughout each day
		Without feeling -
		Only slowly (and rarely)
		Halting in returnèd love and sorrow?

		Help me truly love you, Lord -
		Help me to know and feel your pain,
		Understand my actions,
		And make the right choice -
		No matter how difficult it may seem to be.