Shaded Choice

		Would you rather 
		Sin than struggle,
		Sin than suffer?

		My life
		Once again
		Seems dark;
		God
		Once again
		Seems nowhere near.

		As the hours wear on,
		My mind turns to things unsavoury -
		Things of this world,
		Of supposed need
		But which do not do me anything
		Which God cannot
		Except pollute my mind and body
		Which God would not.

		But all the same,
		I once again descend
		Finding comfort in my vices,
		And returning to that world of mine
		From which I was saved so long ago...
		Back to the deep -
		But now it is different
		For I know of blessings
		And my eyes 
		Have not always been this shuttered -
		Thus more is the pain 
		From the knowledge of my defiance:
		Would I really rather defy God in all his mercy
		Than suffer for Him in all His humility?
		Do I truly prefer to seek comfort in the flesh,
		In the materialistic
		Than in Him?

		Sometimes it's hard to see
		The daily struggle
		As truly and honourably for God -
		So often 
		The choices seem so little
		So unrepurcussive.

		We so often forget the Choice
		That lies behind these decisions -
		I suppose that's what's meant by
		"Keep your eyes on the prize"
		For that way there's a chance 
		That we won't even see a choice.

		Hard as it is to remember to live by
		And even harder to act by
		When so many parts of you
		Are willing you to be 
		So subtly and unnoticeably unfaithful:
		Would you rather 
		Sin 
		Than struggle for God?
		Sin 
		Than suffer for your Saviour?