By Peter Schmedding
Soon after the train had left the station, Adam started to talk to the woman beside him. First he mentioned something rather mundane, then he advanced to increasingly more daring topics - his childhood experiences, his failures as a youth. He did not notice that the other person sometimes would look into the opposite direction with an expression of despair. Adam just continued to talk and talk about some stupid acts he committed long ago, about his fears and his most intimate affairs...
Is this a true story? No. But it represents countless numbers of very similar situations that really happen. In fact, it happens not only in the railway compartment, it can happen when you pick up a hitchhiker or someone sitting in the barber's chair, not to mention the phone-ins, such as Lifeline.
The process is very sound. The person troubled (for that matter, it has been said that no-one on earth will ever be entirely free from some sort of emotional trouble) will relieve him/herself of what is often simply useless and disturbing psychological ballast. Feelings of resentment, unresolved issues, forgotten to say thanks to someone now dead, envy, shame, guilt over events from long ago... there is a long list of factors that can disturb the peace of our minds if not even hinder our progress in life. A person who is willing to listen without judgment or advice or ridicule is like an angel in disguise who can lead the way back toward a state of mental health and balance.
So much for the adults, but what about the children? Only an hour ago I caught a few sentences from Caroline Jones's "Search for Meaning" program. Caroline spoke about visiting her old school and how she remembered the secret thoughts, feelings and emotions that, in her childhood years, she found herself unable to deal with. She pondered on how differently she views the mental obstacles now, in ripe adulthood.
Can we accept that some children's performance and achievement levels are well below their capacity while the real reason is their emotional ballast? Are there cases where even a school counsellor is unable to help because there is simply not enough time to establish the trusting rapport that is needed to get in touch with the child's real concerns? "...Even the professional psychoanalyst may not be able to penetrate into the deeper level of a child's mind", I read once in one of my study books.
How much sorrow, how much resistance to growth and progress could be prevented if children had opportunities to speak out their innermost problems - safely, that is without anxiety that the material may leak back to the parents, the teachers or the classmates.
After many years I still remember the encounter with an eleven year old boy. (I must add here that he had two wonderful and caring parents and no obvious problems with either his teacher or his school) At the end of the first session the child said to me: "It is so good to be able to really talk". The parents would surely have been surprised had they known that their child had said this to another adult who to him was just a therapist or counsellor, to be seen a few times and perhaps never met in life again.
Is it not sad that children, as a rule, do not have such an emotional outlet? "It is so good to be able to really talk", was an exceptional case; it is certainly not the norm. What a pity we can't send our children on a train trip by themselves and let them talk to a complete stranger as suggested in the beginning of this vignette. Adults may talk readily to a stranger. Children do not, do they?
Peter Schmedding